I love Hillary Clinton.

No, not in a weird, creepy way. Not in the romantic sense of the word. Not in a way that means I idolize or even over-identify with her. But inasmuch as an emotionally guarded young woman can love a politician she's never met, I love her. It started out simply enough. My natural inclination to play "devil's advocate" led me to defend her against what I perceived as unfair attacks. It's in my nature to rush to the defense of people who are being "ganged up on". (Before you roll your eyes, Obama supporters, keep in mind that it's this same inclination which led me to defend and sympathize with Obama when the Wright debacle began.) So even before I developed an emotional attachment to Hillary, I found myself standing up for her on a daily basis. I was outraged by the MSM's relentless attacks. I was offended by the sexism coming from people like Chris Matthews. I became protective of a woman who, technically, didn't need my protection. I wanted to guard and defend a woman who has been standing up for herself (and for others) her entire life. By defending her and listening to her, I began to empathize with her. I felt like I got to know her.

As I said, I didn't over-identify with her. She's nearly thrice my age, and in many ways, we're remarkably dissimilar. But I fell head over heels for her spirit. I fell in love with her strength, her tenacity, her dedication. I fell for her kindness, her meticulousness, her voice, her smile, and her wit. Hell, let's be honest here - I fell for the whole package. Did I agree with every vote she made in the Senate? Absolutely not. Did I agree with all of her policies? No way. Did I always agree with her tactics? Not by a long shot. But that isn't really the point. No one agrees with anyone 100% of the time. I thought she'd make a better general election candidate and a better president. And I adored her. Still do, as a matter of fact.

February was a bad month for me, for obvious reasons. With muted despair, I watched Hillary lose state after state after state - and these weren't small losses: Obama crushed her by devastating margins. She wasn't prepared. She had miscalculated. I was angry and upset. I was irrational, vicious, petty, sarcastic, demeaning, rude, spiteful, hateful, and mocking. Granted, for every nasty comment, there were two or three reasonable ones, but as you can see, I fell victim to that temptation to lash out. In mid-March, I wrote a particularly loathsome screed, proclaiming that I'd never vote for Obama, and yet, 26 hours later, I was defending and sympathizing with him again.

So what have I accomplished by reminding you of my poor conduct? Well, aside from potentially damaging my reputation - not to mention probably coming across as mentally ill - I've (hopefully) shown you that even the loudest, most "offensive" Clinton supporters can come full circle. Many Obama supporters have called me the "ultimate" Clinton supporter and said that I should be the model for everyone else who supports Hillary (which is far too much praise). They've frequently called me fair, impartial, and reasonable. But looking back at my old comments, I think it's obvious that anyone can "go off the deep end" a bit and become prey to his/her own anger. By late March, I had overcome my hatred, but none of you should give me the benefit of the doubt by forgetting that it was there. I've spent much of the rest of my time here defending both Obama and Hillary when others attacked them unfairly, and criticizing both of them when I felt criticism was warranted. For some reason, this has endeared me more to Obama supporters than Clinton supporters. I think some consider me a faux-Hillary supporter. But I have said before (and will always say) that while my head has been with Obama for a long time, my heart has always been with Hillary. Linfar has expressed a similar sentiment. I don't expect that to change for either of us - or for many other Clinton backers.

Once my anger was gone, I was left only with sadness. I kept making calls for Hillary. I kept donating. But in my heart, I believed it was a lost cause. Throughout February, March, and April, I never cried about it. I'm not a weepy sort of person. I don't cry at weddings, and I've only cried at one funeral (and I've attended an inordinate number of them, for someone my age). But on the night of the North Carolina and Indiana primaries, I thought - for a moment - that Hillary might bring her campaign to an abrupt, unexpected end. And even though I'd known for a long time that it would probably end sooner or later, I still wasn't ready for it to be over. It was too sudden. So, much to my surprise, I sat at my computer and sobbed pitifully off and on for half an hour while reading the comment thread on Kevin's diary. Of course, she didn't suspend her campaign that evening or the next day, and I was extremely relieved. I thought I'd done the last of my grieving, though - I thought I was glad to have it out of the way.

I was mistaken. On the afternoon that Hillary gave her concession/endorsement speech, I felt a tightness in my throat and an unpleasant squeezing sensation in my chest. At first, I could barely hear her voice over the pounding of my heart, but her words of gratitude soothed me quickly enough. I had hoped I could remain stoic as I watched her speak, but my resolve melted away when I heard her say the words,

The way to continue our fight now - to accomplish the goals for which we stand - is to take our energy, our passion, our strength and do all we can to help elect Barack Obama the next President of the United States.  

Even though I thought I was prepared to hear her say it, I broke down again. And when she said Obama's slogan - "So today, I am standing with Senator Obama to say: Yes we can." - I involuntarily let out a choked cry, which was half anguished sob, half grateful laughter, and I cried not only because I was terribly sad, but because I was incredibly proud. I almost wonder whether it's even possible to experience a moment of such ardent pride and fierce admiration without crying. I knew, in that moment, that I would do everything in my power to help elect the man who defeated Hillary Clinton.

But now we reach the part of the diary where I'm talking solely to the Clinton supporters who are saying they'll stay home in November, vote for McCain, or even try to sabotage Obama's candidacy. People are calling you "dead-enders". They're calling you foolish and irrational, but I know that many of you are simply angry - just as I was when I said I wouldn't vote for Obama. Here is the reason I'm asking you to support a man you disagree with (and perhaps even despise) :

I want you to help me save Hillary's career and, more importantly, her legacy.

There are people talking about funding a primary challenger for Hillary's Senate seat. If she campaigns for Obama (which she will), and he wins the election in November, that won't happen. If he loses, however, many people will believe Hillary is responsible, and they'll be looking to punish her.

That may not worry some of you. You may believe that her seat is safe, or that she won't have any inclination to remain in the Senate, anyway. What you also need to acknowledge, however, is that this isn't just about saving Hillary's job. It's about saving her reputation and preserving her legacy. Remember that by helping McCain win in November, you will not be aiding Hillary in a future (potential) run for the presidency. Understand that there will be no 2012 run for her if Obama is defeated. Everyone will be looking for someone to blame, and make no mistake: The media, the Democratic party, the nation, and the world will place that blame squarely on Hillary's shoulders. They'll continue to push the idea that she ran a "scorched earth" campaign. Some have already postulated that she was running for the 2012 nomination.

They're wrong, of course.

It's unfair that they would blame her if Obama lost, but since when have people ever been truly fair to Hillary Clinton? She will get the blame. They'll demonize her, and it will be far worse than anything we've seen so far. All the good she's done, all the people she's helped, all the causes she's fought for - those things will be forgotten. History will not be kind to her. Remember, her campaign was historic, but now that Obama has become the nominee, his campaign will be considered more historic - after all, it was successful. Don't let History remember Hillary as the woman who sabotaged the first viable African American candidate's bid for the presidency. Don't let it take her down as the selfish woman who destroyed the hopes and dreams of this nation. If Obama loses, she'll be almost universally reviled. Her detractors will paint her as a cold, calculating bitch.

Stop them.

It's in our hands.

It's our decision.

Hillary will work hard for Obama, but without people like us, her efforts will be futile. She needs us. Think of the way she fought for us, inspired us, and cared for us. Now it's our turn to fight for her. Yes, of course, we've been fighting all along, but this is bigger than the battle for Pennsylvania, Texas, and Ohio. There's more at stake. Hillary's legacy is more important than her candidacy. This election will go down in the history books - two historic campaigns clashing together - and we will be largely responsible for determining how they remember her.

Help her.

Protect her legacy.

I implore you to do the right thing. If you can't fight for Obama or the Party, then fight for Hillary. You know she'll keep fighting for us, even if she can't be our president. She deserves supporters who care for her enough to put their own emotions aside. We mustn't fail her. Each vote that a Clinton supporter casts for Obama is also a vote cast for her career, her reputation, and her legacy. Don't let John McCain prey on your grief. Remember that, had Hillary won the nomination, he and the GOP and the 527's would have attacked her as mercilessly as they will attack Obama. McCain wants your vote, but he doesn't have your best interests - or the interests of your spouse, partner, parents, children, or friends - at heart.

In the spirit of standing up for both Hillary Clinton and my country, I gladly endorse Barack Obama for president. I pledge to throw my full support behind him. I will work as hard for him as I did for Hillary, in part because she specifically asked me to. I trusted her judgment so much that I wanted her to run the entire country. I will trust her judgment in this. Clinton supporters must do everything we can to help elect Barack Obama. You don't have to think of it that way, though. Just think of it as trusting Hillary and preserving her memory.

As Bill Clinton once said (to Randi Rhodes, oddly enough), "Randi, in primaries you fall in love; in general elections, you fall in line."

Come home, Hillary supporters, and don't just say, "Yes, we can."

Say, "Yes. We. Will."